MS: a rant. Feel free to skip this downer of a post!
I am sooooo sick and tired of my MS, and its various symptoms. Sick and tired. All I want to do today is cry, shed tears like a baby in distress. But the tears, they will not come. Can’t even get the relief of a crying jag.
Oh, I can still walk. Walk my dog, just not uphill, and I have to sit and rest a lot when walking him. I can still write. Two novels all but complete this year. And train, but it has to be online for short durations. Can no longer stand in front of a group for five minutes, let alone conduct full day training sessions. And I have a wife who continues to love and support me. Who refuses to desert me, even though I can do next to nothing (other than pirate British TV shows to watch in the evening).
However, there is no joy, no feeling good, in what I can do. There is no energy or enthusiasm. I know folks with MS who are sicker than I am. Trust me fellow warriors, I take no comfort in that. ‘Oh, I could be sicker.’
I know I have my condition, my own degree of illness, to deal with. I make no comparisons. It’s been 20 freaking years. Rolling slowly down a steep and never-ending hill. So you will forgive me if I feel like I’ve earned my right to rant today.
Tomorrow I will continue to get on with getting on, doing what I can do. But as for today I am, simply put, beyond sick of it. Thanks for your indulgence, although I do hope you moved on half way through this and let me roll in my misery on my own….. I don’t know how we do it. I guess we have no choice, so we just do….
Rant mode off.